What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 08:27
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I think the readers, may guess!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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She loved him until the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But, we were locked up after school.
What have I done wrong? How can I start over?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Does a person with schizophrenia hear voices?
All the time i was locked up.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Is it legal for an employer to ask why you are taking time off from work?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What did i know ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Who then, do I blame.?
I could never make a relationship work though!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She wouldn,t have been !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
Would this be the day?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was 9 years of age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
(And it was in our own minds.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My family never makes their pension either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it wasn’t much.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I don,t even have a pension.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was in good health!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And i lived it daily.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im still living with it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So whats the point in blame.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She married twice! .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
On the 31st of Jan this month .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I waited trembling.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
Comes on , in middle age.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I will be 64.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is soul school!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My life is so biszare .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.